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Parenting Skills

More parents and teachers now are emphasizing emotional intelligence as a compliment to academic intelligence. Daniel Goleman, a Harvard-trained author, psychologist and science journalist, wrote the groundbreaking book, "Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More than IQ", which redefines intelligence and teaches us how to endow our children with emotional skills very early in their lives.

Emotional Intelligence consists of five characteristics: emotional self-awareness, managing feelings, self-motivation, empathy and relationship skills.

Self-awareness is about knowing oneself and in general being attuned to one’s needs. People with this sort of intelligence tend to make better decisions about marriage, work, and friendships. Parents can promote self-awareness by respecting their children’s feelings and by trying to understand what their children are communicating both verbally and non-verbally. This raises self-esteem and self-acceptance.

Managing feelings involves handling one’s emotions, especially anger and anxiety. Accepting children’s feelings (while not accepting inappropriate behavior) helps children learn to self-soothe, calm themselves and relax. Dr. Goleman encourages parents to discuss and talk about this repetitively and encourage their children to seek and use help and support from others. He also encourages the development of a sense of humor about life’s problems.

Self-motivation involves self-control learning persistence. “You can make things happen” and “I believe in you” are important messages for parents and teachers to impart.

The fourth characteristic is empathy, the ability to recognize emotions in others and understand others’ perspectives.

Relationship skills include the ability to: make friends, compromise, problem-solve, and resolve conflicts.

These five characteristics predict how successful children will be in life. Thus it is important to begin teaching these strengths to children from a very young age.