Dealing with Financial Stress: Notes from a Denver Psychotherapist

Three out of four adults feel stressed about money, and two out of three say the economy contributes significantly to their stress, according to the American Psychological Association.

How do I know if I am just worrying about the economy, or if I have an anxiety disorder?

“Economic anxiety” is a factor in many of our lives due to rising prices, the state of the economy and the recent loss of jobs due to outsourcing and layoffs. If you are worried, but still performing all of your daily life activities well, you probably have economic anxiety.

If you are solely focused on economic worry to the point that it is interfering with your life, you may have an anxiety disorder. People with an anxiety disorder experience the following: consistent worry; irritability; physical/emotional restlessness; difficulty sleeping; physical symptoms of headaches/gastrointestinal problems/muscle tension; exhaustion; nervousness; a sense of dread, worry about winding up with no home, job or money, even if that is not likely; having exceedingly fearful and irrational thoughts about the economy.


How do I deal with Economic anxiety?
• Limit the time you spend reading about the economy or watching TV regarding the economy.
• Speak with your financial officer, or chose a reputable one to discuss your budget, finances, savings, retirement funds.
• Focus on Budgeting wisely; do not make unnecessary major purchases; continue to put aside money from each paycheck for savings; shop wisely at stores where your money counts.
• Focus on paying off debt; consolidating loans and credit card balances to ones with lower interest. A non-profit accredited debt management program that is registered with the Better Business Bureau can assist you with this. Make sure that there are no hidden fees, the organization works within state regulations, and that the agency is able to provide you with ongoing financial management counseling at no cost.
• Spend your time focusing on the things you can change, not worrying about the things you can’t control! Worrying never changes anything; it simply makes you more worried!
• Recognize that the economy runs in cycles; recessions occur, and they are followed with improved financial times.
• Continue to take care of yourself physically and emotionally by having leisure time activities; continuing to socialize; getting enough rest and sleep; sound nutrition and not taking on too much.
• Continue to document your assets: financial; personal; social/familial and spiritual.
• Make a list of all of the times you have landed on your feet when there has been a challenging or difficult time.
• If you are concerned that your job is one that is in a shrinking market, schedule an appointment with a certified vocational counselor to investigate what skills you have that you could transfer to another vocation.

HOW DO I DEAL WITH AN ANXIETY DISORDER?
Anxiety is a physiological/psychological condition that is treated with medication and counseling that focuses on stress management. Schedule an appointment with your family doctor, and seek a counselor that is familiar with treating this condition.

This article was submitted by Bernadine Merker, Licensed Clinical Social Worker with Westside Behavioral Care in Denver, Colorado. For more information about Ms. Merker and the counseling services she provides, please visit her page on our website.

How You Can Reduce The Stress About The Holidays And Actually Enjoy Them : Notes from a Denver Psychologist

How You Can Reduce The Stress About The Holidays And Actually Enjoy Them


Many people over the years have asked me if I see more people for appointments in my private office during holidays than other times. The answer is not really because everyone is too busy to schedule even one more thing.

So if you’re one of those people who is too busy to get help for yourself then you’re too busy. Its very common to ask others how they are and the answer is frequently very busy. This is said with a certain ambivalence. They are somewhat proud to be busy as that must mean they are important and needed. What it actually means is they are stressing themselves with too many demands. When the holidays arrive there are even more demands placed on their shoulders by themselves and others.

Most people shop more during these times as well as clean and organize their homes for possible visitors. In addition they feel obligated to attend social gatherings, parties etc. even if they don’t really want to go. This creates an overload on an already too busy schedule so they feel overwhelmed, dreading the holidays rather than looking forward to them with joy and anticipation as they did when they were young and carefree.

Complicating the picture even more are feelings of depression or "down" feelings around this time of the year with the change in the weather and painful old memories of times in the past which were difficult or very disturbing. Some folks had parents who were very dysfunctional with drinking problems, troubled marriages or were emotionally and physically abusive. These old associative memories are naturally triggered during the holiday period. Thus many just want the holidays to be over.

Many wonder, what is the answer to prevent the same outcome of dreading the holidays rather than enjoying the festivities. First of all our personal histories may provide clues as well as the answers. If you had difficulty in the past around holidays its likely it will repeat unless you have made some significant changes.

The mass media bombards us with their messages that can accelerate the frenzy of over-shopping and trying to appear happy when inwardly you ‘re tired or exhausted.
If you believe the holidays will be a problem then they surely will be, and you will repeat your past. Albert Einstein was quoted as saying you can’t solve a problem with the mindset that created the problem. So the idea is develop a new mindset for this special time period.

What is needed is a different outlook and a plan. Examine your expectations of yourself and are they realistic given how very brief this time period is. The deeper question you can explore is what are you actually seeking for yourself during these holidays?

Most people respond by saying they want to feel connected with family and friends whom they don’t get to see much from during their routines. This all sounds fine but what is realistic to expect given the time constrictions? Remember if you put too much demand and expectations on you and others you are asking for trouble. The one choice we all have is to determine our personal expectations.

Now that you have looked at these expectations begin lowering them knowing that they won’t likely be noticed by anyone. If others expect them from you its because they are accustomed to you overworking. Don’t make the mistake of abandoning routines that are healthy and good like exercise. Rule of thumb should be that for everything you add subtract one nonessential from your to do list.

Don’t just have good intentions; instead, have good actions that not only benefit others but also include yourself. Remember the true meaning of the holiday so you will not drift too far into distractions. Give yourself the right to take good care of yourself and not get too busy. While the holidays are an important part of life they are not bigger than life. So keep it simple and balanced.

Plan on enjoying this time if at all possible. Stay balanced with the preparations so you enjoy the process not just the event that will be over before you know it.

Remember 80% of success is just to show up so you don’t miss it. Now if all else fails keep in mind this too shall pass.

This article was submitted by Dr. Thomas Calhoun, psychologist with Westside Behavioral Care in Denver, Colorado. For more information on Dr. Calhoun and the services he provides, please visit his page on our website.

How to Avoid a “BLUE” Christmas/Holiday Season: Notes from Denver Counseling and Psychotherapy

For many, the holiday season brings with it an opportunity to celebrate, eat and be merry, engage in tradition, connect with friends and relatives, and to draw meaning from the spiritual significance of the season.

For many others it brings financial stress, temptations to eat, drink and be “too merry”, pressure to entertain, spend money you don’t have and to socialize to the point of exhaustion.

Holidays can also bring up memories of loved one’s who are not present this holiday season, and a sense of loneliness to those that do not have people to spend the holiday season with.

----- Often the holidays can bring a mixture of both joy and stress.

Here are some suggestions to help you create a pleasant holiday season for yourself, and some tips if you do start to feel a little blue.

• PLAN AHEAD
Sit down with pen and paper and make up one sheet for each day that is
important for you to celebrate.
DATE: HOLIDAY:
WHAT I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO EXPERIENCE ON THIS DATE:

WHAT ARE MY OPTIONS?

IS THERE SOME COMMUNITY SERVICE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO ON THIS DATE?

WHERE COULD I DO THAT (SEE VOLUNTEER WEBSITE LIST)

• TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
• Don’t overspend, times are tight for everyone, spend within your means - be creative! Plan what you are going to purchase, and don’t wait until the last minute.
• Don’t overcommit to people, places and things!!! Fatigue and exhaustion quickly bring about stress and the blues!
• Take some alone time, listen to some music you enjoy, rent an old favorite movie, get a great new book to read, schedule a massage.
• Take care of yourself in terms of being especially reasonable with food and alcohol!!! Alcohol in large quantities is a depressant. Continue your exercise schedule, and if you don’t have one, try to get outdoors frequently and take a good walk.
• If you are in a 12 step program, keep in touch with your sponsor and attend more meetings! See if your home meeting has anything special going on for the holidays.

• REMEMBER WITH LOVE THOSE WHO ARE NO LONGER HERE—Acknowledge your loss, and also focus on new people in your life, or people and experiences you want to put into your life

• DON’T ISOLATE
Renew old friendships, connect with the people in your life, discover some new places to make new friends “DENVER MEET UP” offers many great opportunities to help you do just that, check, it out!
Denver, CO Meetup Groups - meetup:www.meetup.com/cities/us/co/denver

• IF FEELING BLUE TAKES A TURN TOWARDS FEELING DEPRESSED
If you start feeling more than sad and you feel that you need more help, schedule an appointment for counseling with a professional. If you are a member of a spiritual community, speak with someone there for additional support!

• KEEP THINGS IN PERSEPCTIVE
Holiday seasons pass! It’s only as important as you make it. Use your time off from work as gifts to you to spend time you might not have time for otherwise!
Be mindful of what you have in your life and consider them as gifts to you
during this holiday season and all year round! Buy yourself a great holiday gift!

• DO SOMETHING KIND FOR SOMEONE ELSE
Check out the enclosed volunteer list and take some time to do an act of kindness for someone who needs it.

• ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE: KEEP A RUNNING LOG OF WHAT YOU ENJOYED, PLANNED, EXPERIENCED THIS HOLIDAY SEASON!



ABOVE ALL, THE HOLIDAYS, LIKE ANYTHING ELSE ARE WHAT YOU MAKE OF THEM! WITH SOME ENERGY, PLANNING, THESE TIPS, AND THE ADDITIONAL RESOURCES LISTED, THIS MAY BE YOUR MOST SPECIAL HOLIDAY SEASON EVER, ENJOY!!!

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• VISIT THESE GREAT WEBSITES FOR ADDITIONAL INFORMATION ON HOW TO ENJOY, SURVIVE AND COPE WITH THE HOLIDAYS:
www.webmd.com:Coping with depression during holidays
www.nmha.org: Fact sheet: Holiday Depression & Stress
www.mayoclinic.com: Stress, depression and the holidays:12 tips for coping


www.journey of hearts.org: Basics about the Holiday Blues


DENVER VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITIES:

Frequently Asked Questions - Denver Rescue Mission
You can call the volunteer department at 303.953.3955. ... How do I sign up for the events at Thanksgiving and Christmas? We start sign up for Thanksgiving ...
http://denverrescuemission.org/faqvol.html
Holiday Volunteer Opportunities
Deliver Christmas Day Meals on Wheels Thursday, December 25th, 9:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m. (Various locations across Denver). 100 volunteers are needed to assist ...
http://www.voacolorado.org/holiday-2007.htm - 27k
Volunteer Opportunities in Denver, CO related to Hunger
Volunteer at Christmas House The Salvation Army Location: Denver, CO Dates: Monday December 1, 2008 to Thursday December 18, 2008 ...
http://www.volunteermatch.org/bymsa/m2080/c14/opp1
Please volunteer to adopt my family for Christmas!!! - Denver ...
Oct 16, 2008 ... i really need help from somebody this christmas to get my family gifts and a christmas tree. i wouldnt normally ask for help but we are ...
http://denver.kijiji.com/c-Community-Volunteer-Please-volunteer-to-adopt-my-family-for-Christmas-W0QQAdIdZ81216301 -
Volunteer as Volunteer to help register families for Christmas ...
Volunteer to help register families for Christmas Assistance ... Denver, CO 80205 ... Denver, CO 80203 303.282.1234 fax: 303.282.1242 ...
http://www.1-800-volunteer.org/1800Vol/metro-volunteers/LoadOpportunityReview.do?opportunityId=285203 -
Denver Volunteer and Civic Groups
The Mission of Single Volunteers of Greater Denver (SVGD) is to fulfill the volunteer needs of charitable organizations in the Denver area with an ...
http://www.singlesnews.net/Denver_Colorado/Volunteer_Civic_Organizations.htm
Volunteer in Volunteer to help Families register for Christmas ...
I saw this volunteer opportunity, and wanted to see if you might be interested ... register for Christmas assistance, The Salvation Army, Denver, Colorado ...
http://www.christianvolunteering.org/org/opp23578.
Adopt a Grandma/Grandpa Christmas Party - Random Acts of Kindness ...
Join Random Acts of Kindness Volunteer Group/Denver Chapter to RSVP! ... Your organizer's refund policy for Adopt a Grandma/Grandpa Christmas Party ...
http://www.meetup.com/Living-Karma/calendar/8958213
Volunteer at Salvation Army Christmas House to register families ...
View job summary for Volunteer at Salvation Army Christmas House to register families for holiday assistance at Salvation Army in Denver, CO.
http://www.simplyhired.com/job-id/nzay4owobw/volunteer-at-jobs/


This article was submitted by Bernadine Merker, Licensed Clinical Social Worker with Westside Behavioral Care in Denver, Colorado. For more information about the counseling services she provides in the Denver area, please visit her page on our website.

DO YOU NEED PSYCHOTHERAPY?: Notes from a Denver Counselor

If you’re like most people, you probably have ups and downs. You might even have wondered if you need to see a therapist. But how do you decide? What is the difference between the normal ups and downs that everyone experiences and the kind of emotional problems that call for psychotherapy?

Experts say it’s time to get help when you feel so bad you are having trouble functioning: when your problems start interfering with your daily life, your job, or your marriage. It is also important to factor into your decision how long the problems have been going on. If it is more than one or two months, you probably could use some help.

Emotional problems often start when people can’t get back on their feet after a crisis–a death, divorce, or loss of a job. Sometimes, though, a person begins to show signs of emotional stress for no apparent reason. In either case, emerging emotional problems usually show themselves in some of the following ways:

1. Excessive rage over small problems.
2. Increasing difficulty in getting along with others.
3. Physical symptoms–dizziness, fatigue, chest pains–with no medical basis.
4. Inability to stop thinking about problems.
5. Increasing feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
6. Fearfulness or suspicion about certain situations or people that seems out of proportion.
7. Purposeful self harm behavior.
8. Erratic sleep patterns; loss of appetite.
9. Feelings of hopelessness about oneself or the future.
10. Inability to change unsatisfactory or destructive behavior.
11. Suicidal urges.

This article was submitted by Jane Plattner, Licensed Clinical Social Worker with Westside Behavioral Care in Denver, Colorado. For more information about Ms. Plattner and the counseling services she provides, please visit her page on our website.

Troubled Economic Times Afford An Opportunity For Personal Growth by Denver Psychotherapist

Today’s troubled economic times offers a unique opportunity to confront our attitudes toward money and our personal security. When fear of loss hits it resonates our deepest fears. Most people never examine what their beliefs are about money so they emotionally react to their anxieties and act out by overspending, hoarding, or mismanaging. What are the root causes of our stress about our finances anxiety or about possible job losses?

Believing our self worth identity is reflected in what we do, what we own or possess can create enormous anxiety if its vulnerable, lost, or threatened. Our sense of inner security can be based on this shaky and deceptive belief. True inner security is balanced on the foundation of who we are not who we think we are or whom we think others perceive us to be. This desire to get others to believe that if we are successful and have a lot we must be worthwhile. So the real fear is fear I am worthless unless I can prove otherwise.

Biologically we are programmed to seek comfort. Indeed having enough money to pay our bills and maintain provides a certain comfort but its not the basis of our security. Most of us have bought into the idea of the American Dream that was perpetrated some sixty plus years ago to fuel the capitalism society. The idea was generated that if you work hard becoming successful; nice home with white picket fence; nice car etc. then you be happy and secure. Unfortunately this interpretation has created the American Nightmare for many.

So what is the answer to this troubling dilemma? First we begin by asking the right question of what is really important to us and examining our attitudes about what does money mean to us. When can we say enough is enough ? There is an old Chinese curse : May you live long enough to live in interesting times. Well we can all say that this is where we all find ourselves. But how can we change the curse into an opportunity?

Learning to live more simply is open to us all. Having more does not guarantee that we will be happy or feel secure. If you honestly look back you can see that having more and having the illusion of job security did not offer peace or happiness.

Developing better spending habits can actually create a true sense of confidence by living within our means with less. The simple pleasures of life such as spending time with family and friends and taking walks in nature get us connected to something bigger than our self based fears.

Knowing no matter what is happening around us - which we have no control over - we can choose to embrace with awareness the difficulty we are experiencing. Anxiety is the fear of the future which is based on an endless series of what ifs. While we plan for the future we need to engage the present which is the real gift of life. We need to live consciously in the here and now living the adage: Carpe Diem.

On a practical level we can address the question: honestly are we alright now not caught up in imaging some catastrophe in the future. Secondly we can stop watching the moment to moment news flashes that do very little to educate but rather create an addiction to information anxiety. We can read edifying books on people that faced troubled times and created true inspiration.such as Abraham Lincoln. We can lean on our faith which is based on the assurance there is something bigger than us at work in the universe.

Seeking creature comforts is ok but not a true source of security. Instead of exercising our fingers on the remote control or the computer mouse take a walk in solitude or with a friend. Get out of your head and feel more connected to your body. Mindfully spend money rather than creating a general feeling of loss or feeling deprived. Look around at all your possessions you no longer use that just take up space in your home. Gather them up and give them to a charity and notice how good you feel letting go of what you don’t need realizing someone can really use it. This provides a sense of control because we are proactive not simply just reacting.

There’s the story of the Buddha meeting a beggar whom he realized had over many lifetimes been destitute . As he approached the man he offered him a bag of coins. There was one stipulation he must say out loud three times publicly: I don’t want it, and I don’t need it. Obviously this was extremely hard for this man who saw this as immediate relief to his needs and dilemma. However the wisdom of the Buddha saw this man’s problems as much deeper than not having enough money. Finally after considerable urging the man was able to say it three times; “I don’t need it I don’t want it.”

In contrast the elder John D. Rockefeller the multimillionaire was asked by a reporter if he had enough money now in his life and reportedly he said I could use a little more.

So if we dare to examine our attitudes and beliefs about money this education can serve us over a lifetime. Then we might realize that to be happy is not just getting what you want but rather wanting what you have.

For more about Thomas W. Calhoun, PhD and the counseling services he provides for Westside Behavioral Care in Denver, Colorado, please visit our website.